Life Lesson #100,000 + learned yet again

Since I can remember I have wanted to be a mother. And in Erin fashion for the past year I have been stressing about this. There have been many times in my life where I have set certain goals that I think need to be accomplished at certain times in my life, and all of those goals never happened in the time frame I wanted, but they did happen. What I have realized over the years is that my life happens on God's time, not my time. You would think I would have learned this lesson by now, but I have not. Recently I have been reminded of this and am thankful to God once again.

As I mentioned for the past year I have been stressed out that Owen and I weren't pregnant yet. I really wanted to be pregnant by the time I was 30 years old (I will be 30 in 3 days). So that added stress for me. A couple of Sunday's before Lent the priest was telling us that we don't always have to "give up" something for Lent, but that we should "do something". So this year I decided I what I would do, is to not stress over the things I did not have control over and to not want as much as I do. This included wanting a baby and stressing over it.

For 40 days I let go of my stress and wishes and just let God take care of what I need in life. I have to admit I had a couple of breakdowns during that time, but over all was very proud of myself for giving up control in my life.

On April 2, Owen and I went to the doctor and she confirmed that we were pregnant! What an amazing day that was! Ever since we found out life has been extremely fun yet anxious at the same time. I am so overwhelmed with love yet nervous that something will go wrong. I am usually such an optimistic person, but for some reason I am scared about this whole thing. We have been to the doctor several times and have the heartbeat and saw the ultrasound. Our last appointment our doctor said we should feel free to share our news. That has been the fun part. Since April we have been keeping this big secret and now we don't have to anymore.

I know my body is working overtime to create our child, but I am looking forward to my stomach getting bigger so I can see our child grow. I have always wished my life away and I know I need to stop that and just enjoy the moment. I am trying to do that. I haven't taken a pregnancy picture yet, because I don't think I am really showing. I will soon though!

My prayer now is for God to watch over us as we prepare for this person in our life. I pray that he/she is healthy and happy! I also pray that I am a strong person. I think I am strong, but then again when times do get tough, I second guess myself.