Back to Work I go...

Last week (April 9th) I went back to work. I had a wonderful maternity leave. What a blessing to be off for 13 weeks! Going back to work was inevitable but having an extended leave really helped me enjoy Sam's newborn stage. We spent many mornings in January laying on the couch sleeping. I love having a sleeping baby on my chest. January is some what of a blur to me. Andrew still went to day care so luckily I was able to have a full day of Sam time and to transition into a life with two boys. Having two babies is such a blessing but it is a little daunting. I am afraid I have mentally let it become harder than it should be. So January I spent most of the time wondering what I was doing. February was a little easier. Almost like the fog was lifted a little. Sam is such a good sleeper that I started to feel rested. We didn't leave the house much at all during the day. On weekends we would go out to eat. Sam got his first shots at the end of February which brought a sense of freedom for us b/c we felt more comfortable taking him out in public. This is where my maternity leave became really enjoyable. I was able to have 5 weeks of mommy time with Sam and include Andrew because I had time off and we didn't have to stay around the house. March was the most blissful month. I started keeping Andrew at home on Tuesdays so we could all go to Mommy and Me. Then on Wednesdays I took Sam to mommy and me. Having that time helped me gain confidence taking both boys out and I learned more about their personalities. I know that seems odd but being a working mom during the day and only having weekends to "practice" taking everyone out in public doesn't leave a lot of time to really get the hang of it. Now being home alone with both or taking both out doesn't stress me out like the thought of it did in February.

I also got to enjoy three holidays with the boys with out worrying about taking time off of work. I can't explain how priceless that was. I often wonder what it would be like to stay at home. Our weekend routines are so different than what a day would be like if I stayed at home so I have really gotten a since of a long extended time home. This maternity leave really helped me realize that I could do it, if I got the opportunity. Not sure that is in the cards for me...but I did enjoy the 3 month preview.

I thought I was going to go back to work on March 28th but that got pushed back a week and a half. I decided to use the extra time as practice and dropped Sam off on March 27th. It was one the WORST days of my life. I am not as upset about it as I was because dropping both boys off now has gotten pretty easy. Sam doesn't cry and Andrew runs to his class. So I leave knowing all is well with the world in Sam and Andrew's life. I miss them terribly though. Andrew is at an age where the friendships he is making in his class are important and he learns something new every day. I know he enjoys his teachers and friends. He talks about them all the time. However, Sam is still so little. He is a flirt. He gives the best smiles and coos. I hate I am missing his facial expressions. When we get home I have 30 minutes or an hour of holding him before we get ready for bed. Even then Andrew also wants me to hold him so I am divided and feel like I am really missing Sam's cute smiles and happy attitude.

My postpartum bounce back has been harder this time around. Not just my body but my feelings are raw and I am very sensitive. I know my memory could be clouded a little but I remember being on cloud 9 a lot during Andrew's new born stage. I worried a lot but I don't remember feeling so emotional about life. When I stopped nursing Andrew I had a mental hormonal break but again bounced back after a month or so. I feel like I am going on month 4 of a hormonal roller coaster this time around. I have talked to my doctor and read the internet (to make me feel normal) and it is all normal. I think the phrase "this too shall pass" is my motto these days.

All of the recap for a "Back to Work" post is more than I intended. But want to remember what is on my mind. Getting back into the working mom routine is working out. I still leave work at 4 (thank goodness). All four of us are in a transition but life is about evolving and that is what we are doing.